Reason #1 that we (sometimes) act crazy

Published 3 months ago • 1 min read

Reader,

I've got this friend who shows up late for church every week.

It's not because they have trouble waking up on Sunday mornings. They show up late and leave the service early on purpose.

One day I asked them about this. "Well," they answered, "it's just too disconcerting to think that I might bump into someone I'm uncomfortable with or get stuck in a conversation where I share too much and make myself vulnerable."

This is a classic example of a PQ1 – someone whose primal question is: "Am I safe?"

Remember: in early childhood, one of seven primal questions got installed in our operating systems. Which one depends on your particular life experiences.

If you're a PQ1, you unconsciously ask yourself "Am I safe?" every time you walk into a room or social situation.

When your brain says "No, you or someone you love is emotionally or physically at risk," you will instinctively do whatever you can to change that answer to a strong "Yes."

That's because the highest emotional need you have is for emotional and physical safety. Your core fear is that you or someone you love is going to be harmed, and there's nothing you can do about it. That you'll be stuck in pain and will be unable to resolve it.

Thus, the kryptonite for PQ1s – the triggering mechanism, if you will – is negative surprises. Like my friend above, PQ1s do everything within their power to prevent them from occurring.

Yet, here's the thing about you if you're a PQ1: you are world-class at protecting other people and making them feel safe.

So how do you do operate from that place of giftedness?

It starts by reassuring yourself with this primal truth: "I can take care of me. I've got me."

Look in the mirror. As you see your reflection, observe this fact: you are not a little boy or a little girl anymore. What's true is that you are a strong, competent grownup. You can take care of yourself, and you can take care of those you love when necessary.

(That's not a hypothetical, by the way. It's a practice you can do daily. Even multiple times a day.)

You are loved.

I am with you.

You got this.

Jake.

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