Reader,

I have a buddy who calls me almost every single day.

He's always like, "Hey, we're having some guys over for cigars, why don't you come over?" or "We're throwing some steaks on the grill, come over!" or "We're all heading to the Frisbee golf course. Wanna come?"

One time he called me and said, "Hey, we're flying to Cancun. You wanna come with?"

Stunned, I asked, "When?"

His response: "Two days from now."

This guy is constantly designing these experiences – sometimes very audacious experiences – and he's always inviting people in. What's that about?

If you've been with me for the last few weeks, you know that I'm exploring Mike Foster's Seven Primal Questions framework: a tool that helps us understand our deepest emotional needs. Each of us carries one of these primal questions in our chest and live our lives in response to this question, doing everything we can to make sure the answer is "Yes."

This particular friend is a great example of someone whose primal question is: Am I wanted? (For those of you tracking at home, this is Primal Question #4.)

If this question is your primal question, it means that your deepest need is to feel included, to feel accepted, to feel pursued. Conversely, your deepest fear is being excluded, being replaced, missing out, or feeling like you're being shunned.

The superpower of a PQ4 is very demonstrated by the guy in this story. PQ4's know how to make people feel more included, and connected, and invited, and part of the process. And they do this better than any body.

However, you can only do this when you ground yourself in your primal truth: I am wanted.

Maybe not by the guy who cut you off in traffic or the coworker who disrespected you in the meeting. But you are wanted by the people you choose, by the people who love you the most, by the groups that you're part of that are most sacred to you.

And you are certainly wanted and invited in by God.

When you ground yourself in those truths, you can offer your primal gift to the world.

So, how do you do that? By taking the risk of being who you are. Don't compromise. Don't adopt a persona of who you think you're supposed to be. Instead, be who you are. Surrender the outcome, and let people do whatever it is they're going to do.

Some people may leave you because of that. But some are going to stay and choose you, and they're going to choose you for you.

You're loved.

I'm for you.

You've got this.

Jake