Reader,

Last week, we invited you to reflect on your life and name the darkness you need Christ to break into.

But what if he doesn’t?

You probably weren’t expecting that question. As American Christians, we rarely encounter heavy thoughts like that. We’re willing to entertain doubt, but only as a theoretical possibility—one we can ponder from the safety of our favorite armchair.

When we were kids, however, it was a different story.

Childhood fears often feel all-consuming. Since they lack the defenses that we adults have built up over time, children experience fears deeply. If they realize they’ve lost sight of their parents in a crowd, they’re not able to calmly reassure themselves. They’re convinced they’ll never see their parents again.

Now that we’re grown up, we naturally do everything we can to keep such feelings at bay. This limits our human experience. Consider these words from Paul Tillich:

When we diligently collect copes and steadfastly refuse to sit with our doubts, we’re also denying the possibility of courage and joy.

The prophet Zephaniah prophesied to people who were, in many ways, like us—people who traded faithful anticipation for the comfort of riches and luxury. Judah was content to enjoy their wealth, building great houses and planting vineyards. Lulled into complacency, they said things like, “The LORD will not do good, nor will he do harm” (Zephaniah 1:12b).

This statement reveals the two sides of doubt. On the one hand, there’s the question we opened with: “What if he doesn’t come?” The other question is just as important: “What if he does?”

If we walk through our lives without entertaining doubt, we’re not just avoiding pain. We’re also robbing ourselves of the joy of deliverance. It’s like refusing to watch a movie unless we’re certain that everything’s going to work out alright in the end. That may provide us with a light diversion, but it simply will not move us. We must feel the full range of possibilities, good and bad, if we hope to feel the glory of a happy ending.

As Tillich noted, allowing our hearts to feel the full anxiety of doubt is not a mere character-building exercise. It is a path that deepens our relationship with our heavenly Father. When we reckon with the possibility of being lost and forlorn, God meets us in a way unlike anything we’ve experienced before. Just like that child who thought she’d lost her parents, we discover that the God who now holds us is far bigger, far more present, and far more loving than we could have previously imagined.

So, as you move through this week, ask yourself: “What if God doesn’t break into my darkness?”

And then: “What if he does?”

This week's email is adapted from our new Advent + Christmastide Program. If you want to a deeper dive into this reflection with daily pages that offer Bible prompts and reflective questions, download your copy here.​